ESTHERELLA
A Purim farce in two acts
Copyright 1975, 1999 by J. A. Hirsch

CAST OF CHARACTERS
Vashti, former queen of Persia
Bizzetha, a girl living with Vashti
Harbona, another girl living with Vashti
Estherella, a Jewish girl living with Vashti
Messenger from the King
Haman, Prime Minister of Persia
Hammedatha, Haman's father
Mordechai, a Jewish man
Ahasuerus, King of Persia
Mehuman, one of the King's chamberlains
Zethar, another of the King's chamberlains
Girl
King's guard
Company of dancers and attendants to the King

Act one, Scene one
The setting is the living room of a small house in Shushan, Persia, where Estherella lives with her stepmother, the former queen, Vashti, and several other children, Bizzetha and Harbona. Bizzetha, Harbona, and Vashti are modestly dressed; Estherella is in rags. As the curtain opens, Bizzetha, Harbona, and Vashti are gathered near center stage, talking. Estherella is clearly visible, but off to a corner by herself, doing some menial work.
Bizzetha:But Vashti, are you really glad to be at home?
Vashti:The pleasures of the palace were fantastic, Bizzetha, but it got to be too much when the King sent his chamberlains to me and told me to show the princes and peoples my beauty.
Harbona:Did the King say that?
Vashti:Harbona, dear, that's what the chamberlains told me. Can you imagine that?
Bizzetha:What did the King say then?
Vashti:He said that I, Queen Vashti, hath done wrong not only to him but also to all the princes and all the peoples.
Bizzetha:So what happens now?
Vashti:This is the way it happened years ago when I became queen. The King sent messengers all over Persia to find the fairest virgins of the land. Then he invited them all to a ball - and he chose me to be queen.
Bizzetha:Will he do it that way again, Vashti?
Vashti:I don't know for sure, Bizzetha, but I think that it's a tradition.
Bizzetha:Tradition?
Vashti:Tradition!
Harbona:Tradition?
Vashti:Tradition!
Harbona:Do you think he'll invite me?
Bizzetha:Will I be able to go if there's a ball?
Vashti:You are both lovely Persian virgins. I'm certain you'll both be invited.
Harbona:Jumping with joy I'm going to a ball, I'm going to a ball! Maybe I'll be queen, maybe I'll be queen! Bumps into Bizzetha
Bizzetha:Quit Persian, Persian virgin.
Harbona:Quit Persian yourself, Persian virgin.
Bizzetha:Call me an urchin? You, you... knock on door
Vashti:Now, cut that out. We have a visitor. goes to door Who's there?
MessengerA messenger from the King. Vashti opens door
Vashti:Welcome, messenger. What news do you bear?
Messenger:I bear news of a ball. enters
Harbona:What kind of a ball, sir?
Messenger:A round one, about a foot in diameter
Harbona:A foot in diameter? Then it must be called a football.
Messenger:No it's not called a football. People dribble it, pass it, and shoot it through hoops.
Bizzetha:Then let me guess. It's called a dribbleball.
Harbona:A hoopball?
Messenger:No, it's called a basketball, but I haven't the faintest idea why.
Harbona:Nor I.
Vashti:But surely this is not the ball that the King sent you to tell us about.
Messenger:No, this baskerball is something that only the braves can play. The ball that I came to tell you about will be at the King's castle tonight. I have come to invite all of the lovely virgins of Persia. You too, Vashti, as a former queen will also be welcome - but be certain not to anger the King again, lest he have your head.
Vashti:(Slyly)Come on over, messenger, sit down, and have some wine with me. You must be having a hard day.
Messenger:No, no thank you. I must be on my way through the rest of Shushan to fetch more virgins.
Vashti:I find you quite fetching.
Messenger:I must be off. exits, closing door behind him
Vashti:He certainly is off - resisting my advances. If I could have kept him here, there would have been less competition for you at the ball.
Harbona:I'll wear my new red dress. The King will like that. He'll think I'm hot stuff.
Bizzetha:And I'll wear my blue one. He'll think I'm real cool.
Harbona:But what will Estherella wear?
Vashti:Her rags. Estherella isn't going to the ball. She's Jewish. Now hurry and get dressed. exit Bizzetha
Harbona:Vashti, what's a ball like? I've never been to one.
Vashti:It's a big dance in the throne room of the castle. There are musicians there, and they play music. Everybody dances to the music. You'll dance with chamberlains, you'll dance withthe King's generals, you'll dance with ministers and princes from far-off lands.
Harbona:But, Vashti, I don't know how to dance.
Vashti:It's easy. The King's favorite dance is a waltz, so that's about all the musicians will play. One-two-three, one-two-three, come-to-me, dance-with-me. Harbona starts dancing with Vashti
Harbona:One-two-three, one-two-three, one-two-three, now-I-see.
Vashti:The man leads, you follow. You go anywhere he goes. You do anything he does. Now-some-more, o'er-the-floor, how-it-goes, on-your-toes, ev-ry-one, has-such-fun, round-the-room, to-the-moon.They stop
Harbona:Does the girl always have to follow the man?
Vashti:Remember, I didn't follow the King when the King told me to appear, and look where I am now.
Harbona:But why can't we women ever lead?
Vashti:Maybe it will happen some day, but now's not the time. I should go down in history as the first women's libber, but it will never happen that way. I'll be remembered only as one of the wives of King Ahasuerus - if that - and probably not a good wife at that.
Harbona:Is that what it means to be female?
Vashti:But someday we'll have our way. A woman will become ruler over Persia - or maybe Palestine.
Harbona:That would be golden!
Vashti:Well, not quite. enter Bizzetha Well, aren't you a beauty. That dress really becomes you.
Bizzetha:Thank you, Vashti. Now it's your turn, Harbona, to don your pretties. exit Harbona
Vashti:You'll be a knockout at the ball tonight, Bizzetha.
Bizzetha:Is this to be a ball or a boxing match?
Vashti:It will be a lovely ball. The King will be seated in his throne watching everybody dance. He'll be looking at all the pretty girls, like you, and after a while he'll call some girls over to the throne to talk with him.
Bizzetha:May I sit down when I talk with him?
Vashti:No, you mustn't do that. You must stand at all times in the presence of the King. There will be a chair next to him, but the throne is reserved for only the Queen. It must stay empty all night.
Bizzetha:Will there be goodies to eat, too?
Vashti:Yes, there will be a table filled with all sorts of things, like dates, pomegranates, olives, figs, and... oh, yes, they will be serving prune wine.
Bizzetha:Prune wine? I've never heard of that. Is it good?
Vashti:Very good, Bizzetha, and very rare. It comes all the way from Babylonia. But be careful not to drink too much of it.
Bizzetha:Vashti, you know better that. I have been drinking wine for months, and you have never seen me drink too much. I know better than that. I wouldn't get drunk at the King's ball.
Vashti:But this is prune wine. You have never had prune wine before.
Bizzetha:Treat me as an adult, Vashti. I know what wine does to me, and I know how much prune wine I can drink.
Vashti:But... Harbona enters Oh, Harbona, you're so lovely too. I can't imagine which of the two of you the King will choose.
Bizzetha:What will you wear, Vashti?
Vashti:I need not dress to attract the King. This scarf about my neck will dress me well enough, and maybe the shawl will add a bit of accent to my dress. You girls took such a long time to dress that we should leave right now. exeunt. Stage lights dim, and Estherella is heard sobbing quietly. The lights go out as the curtain is pulled almost closed - maybe a 1-2 foot opening remains.
Act one, Scene two
In front of the nearly drawn curtain: on a street in front of Estherella's house. Enter Haman and Hammedatha.
Haman:Then the plan is set, Hammedatha, my father. We have drawn lots, and we have decided that at this time we will eliminate the King. He has no children by Vashti, so the succession to the throne will be unclear. That's when I, the King's Prime Minister, step in and secure the throne for myself. Who else would be such a logical choice? Estherella is see through the opening in the curtain.
HammedathaBut how do you plan to kill the King without making yourself suspect? The people will never accept a King-killer as their new king. Estherella disappears.
Haman:The Jews. We will kill all the Jews. I've hated the Jews ever since the day that Mordechai, the Jew, failed to bow down to me. We can convince the King that the Jews should be klled. And as we are carrying off our massacre and getting rid of these unwanted people, the Jews resist, an accident will happen, and the King will be dead.
Hammedatha:Can we get the people to believe it?
Haman:Why not?
Hammedatha:Well, I just don't want to make a big megillah out of it.
Haman:Hammedatha, it has worked throughout history. Blame it on the Jews, and the people will believe anything you tell them. It will work for us. And soon you, father, will be prime minister, and I, HAMAN, will be king. exeunt.
Act one, Scene three
The living room. Estherella is still sobbing as the curtain is drawn.
Estherella:Why can't I go to the ball? Why can't a Jewish girl meet the King? Why must I stay at home in these rags? Why must I do nothing but work, work, work. knock at door. Estherella opens it and sees Mordechai standing there.
Mordechai:Did you really want those questions answered?
Estherella:Who are you? What are you doing here?
MordechaiI am Mordechai. I am your taxi-godfather.
EstherellaWhat's that? What is a taxi-godfather?
MordechaiYou've heard of a ferry-godfather, haven't you?
EstherellaWhy yes, but...
MordechaiWell, here in Shushan we have no large bodies of water, so there's no place for a ferry-godfather. So I became a taxi-godfather so that I can cruise around the streets of Shushan.
EstherellaWell, you look legitimate, so come in.
MordechaiActually I'm not legitimate. I'm off-Broadway. But I thank you. He enters, closes the door, and sits. You see, a Jewish girl can go to a ball. A Jewish girl can meet the King. A Jewish girl can wear - well, even mink. And a Jewish girl doesn't have to work, work, work.
EstherellaOh, how can I, how can I?
MordechaiWell, there are two ways. One, you can marry a doctor.
EstherellaBut I don't know any eligible doctors.
MordechaiOr, two, you can have a taxi-godfather.
EstherellaAnd you are...I mean, I really have a taxi-godfather.
MordechaiExactly. Now what you want ... more than anything else in the world ... is to go to the ball tonight.
EstherellaOh yes, oh yes, ... please, please, taxi-godfather.
MordechaiWell, it's been quite a time since I sent anybody to a ball. Let's see, the last time I did it, I sent a chamberlain to a ball ... or rather I sent a chamberlain to a basketball.
EstherellaDid it work?
MordechaiWell, yes and no.
EstherellaYou mean...?
MordechaiI sent the chamberlain to the basketball, but then he wilted.
EstherellaThat's too bad. Can you do better for me?
MordechaiWell, maybe so. The first thing that we have to do is to get you dressed up nicely. Let's see ... hmmmm ... what are the magic words?
EstherellaYou can't remember the magic words?
MordechaiYes, but I've got many different magic words for many different occasions. Let's try this one: ABACADABRA!
Estherellaafter a pause It didn't work.
Mordechaiangrily I can see that for myself. We'll have to try another one. This one's popular: HOCUS POCUS!
Estherellaafter another pauseYou're not a real taxi-godfather. You can't make my clothes beautiful. I'll never go to the ball. sobs
MordechaiPatience, my little Estherella. Your taxi-godfather will come up with the right words. I will make you the most beautiful woman at the ball.
EstherellaBut time is running out. By the time I am beautiful, the ball will be over, and what good will it do then?
MordechaiKEE EMANU-EL! blackout. The curtain is closed.
Act one, Scene four
Before the curtain. On a street in Shushan. Enter Vashti, Bizzetha, and Harbona, walking to the ball.
Vashti:You know, the King is a very particular man. You must look just right and behave just right.
Harbona:Do you think he'll choose one of us? I'd just love to be queen.
Vashti:It's not the bowl of cherries that you'd think it was, but it was fun for a couple of years.
Harbona:Do you think that "Big Thighs" will be there?
Vashti:Who?
Harbona:You know, Bigtha. "Big Thighs" is her nickname.
Vashti:Yes, Bigtha will probably be there.
Bizzetha:Do you think the King will choose her?
Vashti:No, Bigtha's legs are too skinny for the King.
Harbona:How about Carshena?
Vashti:Carshena will be there too. But she's much too tall.
Bizzetha:How about Admatha? She's about the right height.
Vashti:The right height, yes. But her nose is smooth, and the King likes a little bump in the nose.
Harbona:Then there's Marsena.
Vashti:But have you heard that Marsena's mouth? She goes rat-a-tat, rat-a-tat-tat, and the King will never be able to get a word in edgewise.
Harbona:And Meres? Would the King like her?
Vashti:No, she's overweight. That rules her out.
Bizzetha:Maybe Adalia?
Vashti:The King likes long hair. He'll never go for her page-boy haircut, and he won't wait for her to grow it out again.
Bizzetha:The only other person that I can think of from Shushan is Poratha.
Vashti:But she is too short. The King could tuck her under her elbow. That would never do.
Harbona:I'm getting excited. It looks as though you're going to be my only competition, Bizzetha. One of us is going to be queen.
Bizzetha:What do you say we decide it right here? Puts up her fists
Harbona:Is this to be a ball or a boxing match?
Vashti:Girls, we're going to have a good time tonight. Let's not ruin it just now. Hurry, hurry, let's get to the castle.
Act one, Scene five
The living room. As the curtain opens we immediately see Estherella resplendent in the gown that was created by her taxi-godfather, who is walking around her, admiring her.
MordechaiHmm ... hmmmm. Not bad if I say so myself.
EstherellaOh, Taxi-godfather. You really are a taxi-godfather. This gown, it's so beautiful, so very beautiful, and picks up a mirror and looks at herself you made me look so beautiful. I never knew I was so beautiful. Oh, thank you, thank you.
MordechaiThere's no time for thank-yous now. We've got to get you to the ball. Quick, now, get me a pumpkin.
EstherellaWe had a pumpkin at Sukkot, but it got moldy and we had to throw it out. Sorry, taxi-godfather, I have no pumpkin.
MordechaiThen get me some mice.
Estherellahaughtily Mice in a Jewish home. Taxi-godfather, you are joking.
MordechaiDear, dear. There go all my plans. Now you'll never get to the ball. I should have planned ahead.
EstherellaBut don't worry. You can do it. Now you are the one who has lost faith.
MordechaiYou're right, Estherella, I shouldn't lose my faith. But tell me, what can we do?
EstherellaTaxi-godfather, taxi-godfather, you're a taxi-godfather. I can go to the ball in a taxi.
MordechaiWhy didn't I think of that? I guess I'm just a hack. What are you standing there for? Let's get going. Estherella and Mordechai both grab a chair and put one in front of the other on the apron. Mordechai grabs a prop steering wheel and sits down in the front seat. Estherella takes the back seat. The curtain closes.
Act one, Scene six
Before the curtain. In a taxi on the way to the ball.
EstherellaThe stars are beautiful tonight.
MordechaiIt is a night for love, and you are so lovely. But only the night is for love. After midnight comes the morning. And the morning will not be for love. On the twelfth stroke of midnight, the magic will come undone, and you will wilt. Your gown will return to rags, your hair will become ragged, your makeup will run, and you will be exactly as I found you.
EstherellaThen I must leave the ball at midnight.
MordechaiYou'd be best to leave before midnight, as you wouldn't want to be seen in rags, would you?
EstherellaNo, no, a thousand times no. I must leave before midnight.
MordechaiAnd you'll remember that?
EstherellaRemember what?
MordechaiRemember to leave before midnight.
EstherellaOh.
MordechaiYou've got your mind elsewhere.
EstherellaYes, I can see the spires of the castle inthe distance. I've never been to the castle. I've never seen it before. It looks so beautiful.
MordechaiFor the King, it's just a place to live. No, it's more of a prison for the King. King Ahasuerus is loved by most of his people, but when a man has power like the King, he also has enemies, people who want to take his power away from him. The King is safe only in his castle, and maybe not even there.
EstherellaI'd love to live in a castle, in a beautiful building like that, eat elegant food, be waited on by servants, even if only for a short time. And I can't wait to attend the ball, to meet the King, even if it is only for an hour or two.
MordechaiWell, tonight you may enjoy your dream. Estherella covers her face with her hands. What's wrong, Estherella?
EstherellaThe King is in danger. Even in his own castle. Even in his own prison of a castle.
MordechaiHow do you know?
EstherellaTonight, before you came, there were two men in the street outside the house, talking. They were dressed like men of the King's court. And they were talking about killing the King.
MordechaiYou're sure?
EstherellaI'm sure. But I don't know who they were. I don't know what they're planning. I had to pull back my head from the window lest they see me. I'm worried.
MordechaiIt's not the time to worry right now. It's time to enjoy. We've arrived at the castle. Have a good time, and leave before midnight.
EstherellaThank you, thank you taxi-godfather. Exeunt at opposite sides of the stage, carying the chairs.
Act one, Scene seven
In the throne room. The King is seated in his throne, with the queen's throne beside him empty. On the opposite side of the room is a table with refreshments on it - prune wine, cake, and other assorted delicacies. Waltz music is coming from an unseen band. Vashti, Bizzetha, and Harbona are present. Couples are dancing. Haman is talking to the King.
HamanThis will be the greatest thing for Persia. Did you know that there are Jews in our country? They don't worship idols like the rest of us. They worship something that they call Adonai.
AhasuerusAdonai? What's an Adonai?
HamanAdonai, I don't know. I don't know Adonai. I've tried to figure it out, but you can't see Adonai, you can't feel Adonai, you can't smell Adonai, so how can you worship Adonai?
AhasuerusI give up. Tell me.
HamanThat's just it, Your Majesty, you can't. Unless you have some sort of magic, you can't worship somehing that you can't see or feel or smell.
AhasuerusOr taste?
HamanOr taste. So these people must have some sort of magic. And you know what that means.
AhasuerusYes, we can't have people around here that can work magic. They might use it against us.
HamanSo I propose to get rid of them. I already have formulated a plan. I have drawn lots, and they say that I should carry it out a fortnight from today.
AhasuerusIf that's what the lots say, you may carry out your plan fourteen days hence.
HamanThank you, Your Majesty. He backs away from the throne to join the crowd. Vashti approaches the throne.
VashtiYour Majesty, if I may...
AhasuerusCome here, Vashti, but remember that the throne at my side is no longer yours. You have done a great wrong, but then I am somewhat forgiving and will talk to her that was once my wife.
VashtiI am honored by yor forgiving ways.
AhasuerusNot too forgiving, mind you, for had you behaved, I would have been shared the expense of this ball. You are aware that there is a recession in the land and that the government is operating at a deficit.
VashtiYou never did enjoy operating on a budget with a surplus.
AhasuerusPerhaps not. And would you believe that Haman has just asked for an increase in his pay? He says that he needs it because of inflation. What shall I do?
VashtiI would hope that this one ball would be sufficient for you to find another queen.
AhasuerusAlas, I wish it were so. But look at the girls: One's legs are too skinny, one is too tall, one has too smooth a nose, one talks incessantly, one is badly overweight, one is too short, and one has hair so short that I mistook her for a boy. And so it goes. No, Vashti, there's no one for me here.
VashtiAnd there's one women's libber.
AhasuerusVashti, I won't take you back.
VashtiYour Majesty. Backs away from throne.
MessengerMiss Estherella! Estherella enters center stage. Vashti, Bizzetha, and Harbona see who it is, and their mouths drop in amazement. All others, including the King, react favorably to her dazzling beauty. She walks to the front of the stage, and nobody else moves.
AhasuerusEstherella, She turns to face him. He leaves his throne, approaches her, and they dance for 20-30 seconds without talking, then stop. Would you care for some refreshments?
EstherellaThank you, Your Majesty.
AhasuerusThis is prune wine. Offers her a glass. It is imported from Babylonia.
EstherellaTakes a sip. Oh, it's wonderful.
AhasuerusAlso try this cake. It's called chatting cake, because it makes people want to talk. He offers her a piece.
Estherella Tastes. Chatting cake is delicious.
AhasuerusIt's made by a boy here in Shushan. Funny boy. Even though he lives here in Shushan, he doesn't call it cake. He calls it "ooga."
Estherellaaside Ooga - that's the Hebrew word for cake. The boy must be Jewish also. To King Do you think that would make him the chatting ooga Shushan boy?
AhasuerusYou are most amusing, Estherella. Shall we dance?
EstherellaIt would be a great pleasure, Your Majesty. They dance another thirty seconds, and the clock starts striking twelve slowly. After about the third chime, she realizes that it is midnight and says hurriedly Oh, Sire, I meant to tell you, they're plotting to kill you. Oh, that prune wine. I've got to go. She runs off stage, a golden slipper falling off her feet as she runs. She is offstage by the time of the twelfth chime. The music stops.
AhasuerusThe ball is over. Slowly, all except the King, who has returned to his throne, leave. The lights dim. They are plotting to kill me. He picks up the golden slipper, returns to the throne, maneuvers the slipper about in his hand. What a wonderful girl, that Estherella. Her legs aren't too skinny, she's not too tall, she doesn't have too smooth a nose, she doesn't talk incessantly, she isn't overweight, she isn'too short, and her hair is light brown and silky. Loud Guard, have my chamberlains find Estherella and return her to me. Messenger comes in. Take this golden slipper and find the person who has the mate to it, whose foot it fits. That will be Estherella. Exit Messenger Estherella. Estherella. He repeats the name over and over and the lights fade out and the curtain closes.

END OF ACT ONE


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