Compendia . . .
from J. A. Hirsch
New Meanings for Words
27 January, 2009
You know all four seasons: Almost Summer, Summer, Still Summer, and Christmas.
You laugh when people from anywhere north of Tennessee try to say or spell "y'all."
It's "Mar-vull," not "Mary-ville."
It's "Knox-vull," not "Knox-ville."
A toboggan is a hat, not a sled.
You butter your hot biscuit by cutting it open, putting a slab of butter inside, and closing it back up again.
Pigeon Forge is not pronounced with a French accent.
Gatlinburg does have an "L" in it and it should be pronounced.
Sales tax is 9.75%.
You shop at Wal-Mart for groceries, not at a grocery store.
You don't drive in Knoxville on game day. EVER.
You or your friends chew.
You can't remember the last time you saw snow.
You know when Elvis Presley Day is.
You know all of the words to "Rocky Top."
You avoid going anywhere near Bristol Motor Speedway on race weekend.
You think it's worth it driving to Alabama just to save 1.25% on the sales tax.
You eat "dinner" at noon and "supper" in the evening.
Your Wal-Mart has specific parking spots for horses and buggies.
You use "commode" in conversations and absolutely no one knows what you're talking about.
You barely get snow days because there's hardly ever any snow. Better yet, you get snow days if your local weather stations predict even the slightest bit of snow!
You and everyone you know goes to one vacation spot: Panama City.
You know how to do the watermelon crawl.
Everything is COKE, and if you don't like it, tough. Ex:"You want a COKE?" "Sure." "Which kind?" "Dr. Pepper."
You're in a Carhartt jacket one day, shorts the next, and no one thinks anything about it.
Everyone you know owns a truck, and at least one of those trucks is just painted with primer or more colors than the rainbow.
You measure distance in minutes, not miles.
You drive through a rich neighborhood and see the wannabe redneck kids with their brand-new Fords and their designer holey jeans and cowboy hats.
Boomsday in Knoxville is equal to New Year's Eve at Times Square.
Knoxville becomes the third largest city every Saturday in the fall.
Sweet tea is THE DRINK...no questions, no exceptions. Most people from Tennessee begin drinking sweet tea even before they can drink out of sippy cups. Iced tea is appropriate for all meals, and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar!
You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
You use "fix" as a verb. Example: "I'm fixing to go to the store."
All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect, or animal.
You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
You know what a "DAWG" is.
You carry jumper cables in your car -- for your OWN car.
You own only four spices: salt, pepper, Tabasco, and ketchup.
The local papers cover national and international news on one page but require six pages for local gossip and sports.
You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.
You find 100 degrees Fahrenheit "a little warm."
Fried catfish is "the other white meat."
You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good pinto-bean weather.
You're convinced you don't need driver's ed -- your father's and uncles' pickup trucks were training enough.
Possums sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air.
There are 5,000 types of snakes, and 4,998 live in Tennessee.
There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in Tennessee plus a couple no one's seen before.
If it grows, it sticks; if it crawls, it bites.
Onced and twiced are words.
It is not a shopping cart; it is a buggy.
Fire ants consider your flesh a picnic.
People actually grow and eat okra.
"Fixinto" is one word.
Backards and forwards means "I know everything about you."
Jeet? is actually a phrase meaning "Did you eat?"
You don't have to wear a watch because it doesn't matter what time it is. You work until you're done or it's too dark to see.
******
I urgently needed a few days off work, But, I knew the boss would not allow me to take leave.
I thought that maybe if I acted "crazy," then he would tell me to take a few days off.
So, I hung upside-down on the ceiling and made funny noises.
My co-worker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing.
I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb, so, that the boss might think I was "crazy" and give me a few days off.
A few minutes later the boss came into the office and asked, "What in the name of good GOD are you doing?"
I told him I was a light bulb.
He said, "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recupera te for a couple of days."
I jumped down and walked out of the office...
When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the boss asked her, "..And where do you think you're going?!"
She said, "I'm going home too. I can't work in the dark."
******
Sami tells us about an older, tired-looking dog that wandered into her yard.
One could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home and was well taken care of.
She continues:
He calmly came over to me, I gave him a few pats on his head;
he then followed me into my house, slowly walked down the
hall, curled up in the corner and fell asleep.
An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out.
The next day he was back, greeted me in my yard, walked inside and resumed his spot in the hall and again slept for about an hour.
This continued off and on for several weeks.
Curious I pinned a note to his collar: 'I would like to find out who the owner of this wonderful sweet dog is
and ask if you are aware that almost every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.'
The next day he arrived for his nap, with a different note pinned to his collar:
'He lives in a home with 6 children, 2 under the age of 3 - he's trying to catch up on his sleep.
Can I come with him tomorrow?'
******
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