Compendia . . .
from J. A. Hirsch
26 New Words, from A to Z
9 March, 2007
Susann feels that we should add these 26 new words, from A to Z
Abracadabbler: an amateur magician.
Badaptation: a bad movie version of a good book.
Carbage: the trash found in your automobile.
Dadicated: being the best father you can be.
Ecrastinate: checking your e-mail just one more time.
Faddict: someone who has to try every new trend that comes along.
Gabberflasted: the state of being speechless due to someone else talking too much.
Hackchoo: when you sneeze and cough at the same time.
Iceburg: an uppity, snobbish neighborhood.
Jobsolete: a position within a company that no longer exists.
Knewlyweds: second marriage for both.
Lamplify: turning on (or up) the lights within a room.
Mandals: sandals for men.
Nagivator: someone who constantly assists with driving directions in an overly critical manner.
Obliment: an obligatory compliment.
Pestariffic: adjective describing a particularly pesty person.
Qcumbersome: a salad that contains too many cucumbers.
Ramdumbtious: a rowdy, energetic person who's not too bright.
Sanktuary: a graveyard for ships.
Testimoney: fees paid to expert witnesses.
Unbrella: an umbrella that the wind has turned inside-out.
Vehiculized: you own a vehicle.
Wackajacky: very messed up.
Xerocks: two identical pieces of stone.
Yawnese: the language of someone trying to speak while yawning.
Zingle: a single person with a lot of pep in his or her step.
******
Gautam - he's from India - relates this story:
I urgently needed a few days off work, but, I knew the Boss would not allow me to take leave.
I thought that maybe if I acted "Crazy," then he would tell me to take a few days off.
So, I hung upside-down on the ceiling and made funny noises.
My co-worker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing.
I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb, so that the Boss might think I was "Crazy" and give me a few
days off.
A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked, "What in the name of good GOD are you doing?"
I told him I was a light bulb.
He said, "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days."
I jumped down and walked out of the office...
When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss asked her, ...and where do you think you're going?!"
She said, "I'm going home too, I can't work in the dark!!
******
Not to be outdone, Susann offers this blonde joke:
The other day my neighbor, who is blonde, came running up to me in the driveway just jumping for joy!
I didn't know why she was jumping for joy butI thought, what the heck, and I start jumping up and down along with her.
She said, "I have some really great news!"
I said, "Great. Tell me why you're so happy."
She stopped jumping and, breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down, told me that she was pregnant!
I knew that she had been trying for a while so I told her, "That's great! I couldn't be happier for you!"
Then she said, "There's more."
I asked, "What do you mean 'more'?"
She said, "Well, we are not having just one baby. We are going to
have TWINS!"
Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, I asked her how she knew.
She said "Well, that was the easy part. I went to Wal-Mart and they actually had a home pregnancy kit in a twin-pack.
Both tests came out positive!"
******
Joyce offers this story for grandparents:
At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 9-year-old baseball players aside and asked,
"Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?"
The little boy nodded in the affirmative.
"Do you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose
together as a team?"
The little boy nodded yes.
"So," the coach continued, "I'm sure you know, when an out is called,you shouldn't
argue, curse, attack the umpire, or call him a pecker-head. Do you understand all that?
Again the little boy nodded.
He continued, "And when I take you out of the game so another boy gets a chance to play, it's not good sportsmanship
to call your coach 'a dumbass' is it?"
Again the little boy nodded.
"Good," said the coach. "Now go over there and explain all that to your grandmother
******
Bobbie's daughter sent her this poem:
Heaven's Door
I was shocked, confused, bewildered
As I entered Heaven's door,
Not by the beauty of it all,
Nor the lights or its decor.
But it was the folks in Heaven
Who made me sputter and gasp--
The thieves, the liars, the sinners,
The alcoholics, the trash.
There stood the kid from seventh grade
Who swiped my lunch money twice.
Next to him was my old neighbor
Who never said anything nice.
Herb, who I always thought
Was rotting away in hell,
Was sitting pretty on cloud nine,
Looking incredibly well.
I nudged Jesus, "What's the deal?
I would love to hear Your take.
How'd all these sinners get up here?
God must've made a mistake.
"And why's everyone so quiet,
So somber? Give me a clue."
"Hush, child," said He, "they're all in shock.
No one thought they'd be seeing you."
author unknown-
******
Bob C.tells us about the landing on Mars
Two astronauts land on Mars. Their mission: to check whether there is oxygen on the planet.
"Give me the box of matches" says one. "Either it burns and there is oxygen,or nothing happens."
He takes the box, and is ready to strike a match when out of the blue, a Martian appears waving all his arms...
"No, no, don't!"
The two guys look at each other, worried. Could there be an unknown explosive gas on Mars? But he takes another match....
And now, a crowd of hysterical Martians is coming, all waving their arms:"No, no, don't do that!"
"It looks serious. What are they afraid of? But - we're here for Science, to know if man can breathe on Mars".
He strikes a match, which flames up, burns down, and..... nothing happens.
"Why did you want to prevent us from striking a match?"
The leader of the Martians says,
"Today is Shabbos!
(For those who do not know, Shabbos (Sabbath) is that day of the week when the Orthodox Jews are not allowed to turn on
lights or light fires - because it is considered to be work.)
******
-30-