Compendia . . .
from J. A. Hirsch
Multi-Tasking Vodka
29 January, 2007
Bunny tells us about Multi-tasking Vodka
1. To remove a bandage painlessly, saturate the bandage with vodka. Thesolvent dissolves adhesive.
2. To clean the caulking around bathtubs and showers, fill a trigger-spray bottle with vodka, spray the caulking
let set five minutes and wash clean.The alcohol in the vodka kills mold and mildew.
3. To clean your eyeglasses, simply wipe the lenses with a soft, clean cloth dampened with vodka.
The alcohol in the vodka cleans the glass and kills germs.
4. Prolong the life of razors by filling a cup with vodka and letting your safety razor blade soak in the alcohol
after shaving. The vodka disinfects the blade and prevents rusting.
5. Spray vodka on vomit stains, scrub with a brush, and then blot dry.
6. Using a cotton ball, apply vodka to your face as an astringent to cleanse the skin and tighten pores.
7. Add a jigger of vodka to a 12-ounce bottle of shampoo. The alcohol cleanses the scalp, removes toxins from hair,
and stimulates the growth of healthy hair.
8. Fill a sixteen-ounce trigger-spray bottle and spray bees or wasps to kill them.
9. Pour one-half cup vodka and one-half cup water in a Ziploc freezer bag and freeze for a slushy, refreshable ice
pack for aches, pain or black eyes.
10. Fill a clean, used mayonnaise jar with freshly packed lavender flowers,fill the jar with vodka, seal the lid
tightly and set in the sun for three days. Strain liquid through a coffee filter, then apply the tincture to aches
and pains.
11. To relieve a fever, use a washcloth to rub vodka on your chest and back as a liniment.
12. To cure foot odor, wash your feet with vodka.
13. Vodka will disinfect and alleviate a jellyfish sting.
14. Pour vodka over an area affected with poison ivy to remove the urushioloil from your skin.
15. Swish a shot of vodka over an aching tooth. Allow your gums to absorb some of the alcohol to numb the pain.
And silly me, I've only been drinking the stuff!!!
******
Bonnie talks about A TALE OF TWO BAKERS
Two bakers lived in a small town. They were highly competitive, but both had many customers. This changed when one
baker bought a new bread slicing machine that cut four loaves at once. He could serve people faster, so he soon got
all the business in the town. The other baker was forced to close.
.
The second baker went to the first and asked, "How were you able to get all the business in town? It seems that you
got lucky all of a sudden."
The first baker replied, "I'm not sure. I think it has something to do with the four-loaf cleaver I found."
******
Pete offers this:
When me prayers were poorly said,
Who tucked me in me widdle bed,
And spanked me till me arse was RED?
Me Mudder!
Who took me from me cozy cot,
And put me on the ice cold pot,
And made me pee if I could not?
Me Mudder!
And when the morning light would come,
And in me crib me dribbled some,
Who wiped me tiny widdle bum?
Me Mudder!
Who would me hair so neatly part,
And hug me gently to her heart,
Who sometimes squeezed me till me fart?
Me Mudder!
Who looked at me with eyebrows knit,
And nearly have a king size fit,
When in me Sunday pants me did s**t?
Me Mudder!
When at night her bed did squeak,
Me raised me head to have a peak,
Who yelled at me to go to sleep?
Me Farder!
******
Sami has some "Confucius Say" quotations:
- Man who stand on toilet high on pot.
- Crowded elevator smell different to midget.
- He who eats too many prunes, sits on potty many moons.
- Man who fall in vat of molten glass make spectacle of self.
- Man who make love to girl on hill...he not on level.
- Honeymoon over when man who whispered sweet nothings before now say nothing sweet.
- Man who jumps through screen door likely to strain himself.
- Man who drive like hell bound to get there..
******
-30-