Compendia . . .
from J. A. Hirsch
Dogs and Computers
1 December, 2006
Bonnie compares Dogs and Computers
** Favorite Food
Dogs: kibbles
Computers: bits
** Method used to end undesirable behavior
Dogs: hit with rolled up newspaper
Computers: hit control-alt-delete
** After destruction of personal property
D: dog not found
C: file not found
** Favorite trick
D: roll over
C: play dead
** Comic-page hero
D: Dogbert
C: Dilbert
** Fun way to mess with their heads
D: peanut butter on roof of mouth
C: peanut butter in CD-ROM drive
** Consequence of virus
D: replace valuable carpeting
C: replace valuable data
** Widely ignored government mandate
D: leash law
C: Communications Decency Act
** Waste disposal tool
D: pooper-scooper
C: uninstaller (necessary only on Win-tel machines!)
** Method of marking territory
D: lifting leg
C: "Designed for Windows XP"
** Unique behavior
D: lick and drag
C: click-and-drag
** Inexplicable physical feature
D: dewclaw
C: scroll lock key
** Estimated lifespan
D: 12 years
C: 12 months
** At end of useful life
D: euthanasia
C: tax deduction
******
Maryse offers this Chien (Dog, in France) Philosophy
The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue.
Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.
There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.
A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.
The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.
We give dogs time we can spare, space we can spare and love we can spare.
And in return, dogs give us their all. It's the best deal man has ever made.
Dogs love their friends and bite their enemies, quite unlike people,
who are incapable of pure love and always have to mix love and hate.
I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.
A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.
Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.
If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known Will go to heaven, and very, very few persons.
If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise
My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That's almost $21.00 in dog money.
Ever consider what our dogs must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul,
Chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth!
Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; That is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you alook that says, 'Wow, you're right! I never would've thought of that!'
Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole.
If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket And then give him only two of them.
My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am.
******
...and Murray gives us some Yiddish Proverbs and more:
A man is not honest simply because he never had a chance to steal.
Yiddish Proverb
Don't judge a man by the words of his mother, listen to the comments of his neighbours.
Yiddish Proverb
If the rich could hire other people to die for them, the Poor could make a wonderful living.
Yiddish Proverb
The wise man, even when he holds his tongue, says more than the fool when he speaks.
Yiddish Proverb
Ask about your neighbors, then buy the house.
Yiddish proverb
What you don't see with your eyes, don't invent with your mouth.
- Yiddish proverb
A hero is someone who can keep his mouth shut when he is right.
--Yiddish Proverb
One old friend is better than two new ones.
--Yiddish Proverb
When a thief kisses you, count your teeth.
--Yiddish Proverb
One of life's greatest mysteries is how the boy who wasn't good enough to marry your daughter can be the father of the smartest grandchild in the world.
--Jewish Proverb
Old friends, like old wines, don't lose their flavor.
--Jewish Proverb
When you teach your son, you teach your son's son.
--The Talmud
A wise man hears one word and understands two.
Yiddish Proverb
It is true we have won all our wars, but we have paid for them. We don't want victories anymore.
Golda Meir
"Don't be so humble - you are not that great."
- Golda Meir (1898-1978) to a visiting diplomat
We have always said that in our war with the Arabs we had a secret weapon - no alternative....
Golda Meir
I have given instructions that I be informed every time one of our soldiers is killed, even if it is in the middle of the night. When President Nasser leaves instructions that he is to be awakened in the middle of the night if an Egyptian soldier is killed, there will be peace.
Golda Meir
Pessimism is a luxury that a Jew can never allow himself. Golda Meir
The Egyptians could run to Egypt , the Syrians into Syria. The only place we could run was into the sea, and before we did that we might as well fight.
Golda Meir
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
--Albert Einstein (03/14/1879-1955)
Any intelligent fool can make things bigger and more complex... It takes a touch of genius --- and a lot of courage to move in the opposite direction.
--Albert Einstein
Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving
--Albert Einstein
When his wife asked him to change clothes to meet the German Ambassador:
If they want to see me, here I am. If they want to see my clothes, open my closet and show them my suits.
--Albert Einstein
I don't believe in mathematics.
--Albert Einstein
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
--Albert Einstein
The hardest thing in the world to understand is income tax.
--Albert Einstein
You can't control the wind, but you can adjust your sails.
Yiddish proverb
"The nice thing about being a celebrity is that if you bore people they think it's their fault."
- Henry Kissinger (1923-)
I don't want to become immortal through my work. I want to become immortal through not dying.
Woody Allen
I'm not afraid of dying - I just don't want to be there when it happens!
Woody Allen
Imagination is more important than knowledge.
Albert Einstein, Sign hanging in Einstein's office at Princeton:
Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts.
Albert Einstein
We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.
Albert Einstein
Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned in school.
Albert Einstein
Do not worry about your difficulties in Mathematics. I can assure you mine are still greater.
Albert Einstein
Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.
Albert Einstein
I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.
Albert Einstein
"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity."
Albert Einstein
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