Compendia . . .
from J. A. Hirsch
Page Turner
22 May, 2006
Jim W. found the following in the program notes from a recent piano recital:
Tonight's Page Turner, Ms. Ruth Spelke, studied under Ivan
Schmertnick at the Boris Nitsky School of Page-Turning in
Philadelphia. She has been turning pages here and abroad for many
years for some of the world's leading pianists. She has also turned
pages, by invitation, in the two most recent Johansen Competitions in
Washington, D.C.
Ms. Spelke is a winner of the 1997 Rimsky-Korsakov Flight of the
Bumblebee Prestissimo Medal, having turned 45 pages in an
unprecedented 32 seconds. She was also a 2003 Silver Medalist at
the Klutz Musical Page Pickup Competition: Contestants retrieve and
rearrange a musical score dropped from a Yamaha concert grand
piano. Ms. Spelke excelled in "grace, swiftness and, especially, poise."
In 1999, Ms. Spelke won the Wilson Page-Turning Scholarship,
which sent her to Israel to study page-turning from left to right.
For techniques, Ms. Spelke performs both the finger-licking and
the bent-page-corner methods. She works from a standard left bench
position and is the originator of the dipped-elbow page snatch, a
style used today to avoid obscuring the pianist's view of the music.
She is Page-Turner-in-Residence in Fairfield, Iowa, where she
occupies the coveted Alfred Hitchcock Chair at the Fairfield
Page-Turning Institute.
Ms. Spelke is married and has a nice house on a lake.
******
Sherill explains how it happened:
Start with a cage containing five monkeys. Inside the cage, hang a banana on a string and place a set of stairs under it. Before long, a monkey will go to the stairs and start to climb towards the banana. As soon as he touches the stairs, spray all of the other monkeys with cold water. After a while,another monkey makes an attempt with the same result - all the other monkeys are sprayed with cold water. Pretty soon, when another monkey tries to climb the stairs, the other monkeys will try to prevent it.
Now, put away the cold water. Remove one monkey from the cage and replace it with a new one. The new monkey sees the banana and wants to climb the stairs. To his surprise and horror, all of the other monkeys attack him. After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs, he will be assaulted.
Next, remove another of the original five monkeys and replace it with a new one. The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked. The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment with enthusiasm! Likewise, replace a third original monkey with a new one, then a fourth, then the fifth. Every time the newest monkey takes to the stairs, he is attacked. Most of the monkeys that are beating him have no idea why they were not permitted to climb the stairs or why they are participating in the beating of the newest monkey.
After replacing all the original monkeys, none of the remaining monkeys have ever been sprayed with cold water. Nevertheless, no monkey ever again approaches the stairs to try for the banana.
Why not?
Because as far as they know, that's the way it's always been done around here. And that, my friends, is how company policy begins.
******
Joyce C, forwards this story
We've all had trouble with our animals, but I don't think anyone can top this one: Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm lying.
On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because the truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on the top of my head. The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty.
Initially, the new acquisition was no problem. Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, my wife, called me from the kitchen. "Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again. Please come reset it."
"You know where the button is," I protested through the shower pitter-patter and steam. "Reset it yourself!"
"But I'm scared!" she persisted. "What if it starts going and sucks me in?" There was a meaningful pause and then, "C'mon, it'll only take you a second."
So out I came, dripping wet and butt naked, hoping that my silent outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her behavior as extremely cowardly. Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button. It is the last action I remember performing.
It struck without warning, and without any respect to my circumstances. No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling objects she spied hanging between my legs. She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I reached under the sink. And, at the precise moment when I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws. I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, blindly rising at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten hanging from my masculine region.
Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight" syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only the "flight" option. I know this from experience. I was fleeing straight up into the air when the sink and cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent. The impact knocked me out cold. When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Now there are not many things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on the kitchen floor butt naked in front of a group of "been-there, done-that" paramedics. Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the while trying to suppress their hysterical laughter......and not succeeding.
Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it back in to the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me about my head injury. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about, which it was.
"What's the matter?" they all asked, "Cat got your tongue?"
******
Bonnie tells about a woman who went to the doctor's office, where she was seen by one of the younger doctors. After about four minutes in the examination room, she burst out, screaming as she ran down the hall.
An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was and she told him her story.
After listening, he had her sit down and relax in another room. The older doctor marched down the hallway to the where the young doctor was writing on his clipboard. "What's the matter with you?" the older doctor demanded. "Mrs.. Reid is 62 years old, has four grown children and seven grandchildren and you told her she was pregnant?"
The younger doctor continued writing and, without looking,up, said: "Does she still have the hiccups?"
******
Annabelle says that you don't have to understand Yiddish to understand this story:
Two Japanese businessmen are talking during their afternoon dip in the hot
baths at the Geisha House. The first businessman says, "Hirokosan, I have
some unpleasant news for you. Your wife is dishonouring you."
Hirokosan can't believe what he hears, and asks for more information. "Your
wife is dishonouring you, and she is doing it with a foreigner of the Jewish Faith."
Shocked, Hirokosan decides to go home and confront his wife. He faces her and
says. "I am told that you are dishonouring me with a foreigner of the Jewish Faith."
She replied, "That is a lie. Where did you hear such dreck and mischigas?"