Compendia . . .from J. A. Hirsch
Whatever Happened to G47?
18 October, 2003
** World Religious Symbols **
While working on a lesson in world religions, a kindergarten teacher asked her students to bring something related to their family's faith to class.
At the appropriate time she asked the students to come forward and share with the rest of the students.
The first child said, "I am Muslim and this is my prayer rug."
The second child said, "I am Jewish and this is my Star of David."
The third child said, "I am Catholic and this is my rosary."
The final child said, "I am Southern Baptist and this is my casserole dish."
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As I've Matured, my friend Jim said... MATURED...NOT GOTTEN OLD!!
I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.
I've learned that one good turn gets most of the blankets.
I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just jackasses.
I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.
I've learned that whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more screwed up than you think.
I've learned that depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
I've learned that it is not what you wear; it is how you take it off.
I've learned that you can keep vomiting long after you think you're finished.
I've learned to not sweat the petty things, and not pet the sweaty things.
I've learned that ex's are like fungus, and keep coming back.
I've learned age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
I've learned that I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy it.
I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.
I've learned that artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
I've learned that 99% of the time when something isn't working in your house, one of your kids did it.
I've learned that there is a fine line between genius and insanity.
I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away. And the real pains in the ass are permanent.
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Proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his drunk friends late one night after they had closed up the bar, the drunk led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong.
"What's that big brass gong for?" one of the guests asked.
"It's not a gong. It's a talking clock" the drunk replied.
A talking clock? Seriously?" asked his astonished friend.
"Yup" replied the drunk.
"How's it work?" the second guest asked, squinting at it.
"Watch" the man said. He picked up a hammer, gave it an ear shattering pound and stepped back. The three stood looking at one another for a moment.
Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed "For God sake, you idiot....it's ten past three in the morning!"
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I submitted this to punoftheday.com today: It may or may not be original, but I claim it as mine.
What with the channel tunnel now in use and the European Economic Community now functioning with a single currency, the Euro, perhaps it will only be a matter of time before there will be political union as well.
They will call the new country "Euronation."
It will be governed in England by the peers.
And on the other side of the Channel, everybody will be in continent.
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And G-47?
A boat loaded with passengers was taking on water, and everybody was worried that she might sink.
The captain called out to the passengers to find a person of the cloth who could say a prayer for them.
Finally a person approached the captain. "I have no religious background," he said, "but I live next to a church, and I have heard what the leaders are saying to their congregation. I think I could repeat it here."
"By all means," said the captain, repeat it now."
"G-47, B-5, O-72, I-19, N-34...."
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-30-